Can I live??

Well I decided to take some time off to wrap my mind around a few things. But the more time I took off the more I realized that this is the time that I should really be blogging!!! lol I didn’t want my blog to be diary or a place for me to vent so I need to stray away for just a sec. But I see that some of you may have missed me??? Asking where I was and when I would blog an update, something, anything!!!

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Well Life right now kind of still sucks (really bad). Nothing has really changed besides the fact that I am working and that Tiggs (my cat) is bigger and badder than EVER! LOL

 

Im just trying to focus on change and trying to find ways everyday to better myself. I thought that I knew it all, that I had all the answers and that I would never be thrown off of my game because I had a clear path. 2013 showed me that I DONT KNOW SHIT and that I can not predict the future, unfortunately. But I will not complain because even though I am still broke as hell and even though I havent lost a pound since I made my new years resolution and EVEN THOUGH I absolutely HAAAATE my job, I am alive….im healthy and im loved. Thats all that matters.

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I may not be living the way I wanted to at this point but hey….im living. So can I live??

 

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Be blessed. 

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Through the ups and the downs

Support, “to promote the interests or cause of”. 

 

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Not many people understand the meaning of this word which I think is quite funny because it seems so simple. “I know this sounds crazy but I just need you to support me on this”.  It never fails…..when things start to go sour your support system seems to dwindle away the most. People seem to always be down for you when things are going your way but as soon as a complaint comes out of your mouth they are nowhere to be found. 

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I make it my point to be a supportive fiancee, sister, daughter, and friend. I would hate for someone to seriously need me to be there for them and I wasn’t. As soon as they get back to the place that they need to be they will make sure to let you know that you weren’t there for them in the first place. I sort of feel the same way. My support system has always been lacking. I have never had a huge group cheering me on whether I was being a big fuck up or not. But I had tons of people who liked to brag on my success, people who liked to inform others as to how well I was doing or how happy I was. Now that I’m not so happy, and that my successful streak has come to a dead halt I don’t have many people bragging. Come to think of it I don’t have many people who even bother to ask if I am okay.

 

But this blog isn’t about them or anyone else this is about supporting one another in general. All a person needs is that ONE individual who will promise to be there for them no matter what. It is always good to have your own hopes, goals, and dreams but it is so much better when you have an entire army who will bend over backwards for you to make sure that you know you have their full support (or so I’ve been told).

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So support your husbands crazy ass dreams, be there for your friend even though she’s being really “basic”, inform your siblings that no matter how stupid they may sound that you back them up 110%. If not you…..then who??

Keep living. 

All advice aint good advice

When you are going through hard times or confused about what to do or need help making important decisions you can not help but to seek the advice of others. Let me tell you something that I have learned very fast over the past few months, ALL ADVICE AINT GOOD ADVICE (Yes I said AINT). 

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Everyone has an opinion on what you should do with your life, they are giving you all of the right answers at the right time but are they really the right answers? People act as if they have all of the answers, giving simple answers to your difficult situation making you feel as if you were stupid for asking in the first place. 

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To be totally honest, no one can give you any advice on YOUR life because they aren’t living it. It is so easy for a person to tell you how to find a job when they already have one. It is so simple for someone to tell you how to keep a man when theyve already got one. It is so damn easy for someone to tell you how to run your life as if theyre living it and they aren’t. Not everyone is looking out for your best interest and frankly all of their advice isn’t necessarily good advice in the first place. Your situation (as well as mine and everyone elses) is different, no one can just give you a simple solution when you have been going through absolute hell for the past few months….or years. There is not one thing wrong with venting but don’t dish out information to every listening ear because at the end of the day your life is your own and it’s none of their damn business anyways. 

Be you. Be true.

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One Love. 

You are called to give your ALL

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I have taken on so many roles in my short 23 years of living, it is so hard putting on so many different hats and maintaining relationships and such while keeping yourself happy. I am a sister, a daughter, I was a student, a fiancee, I am a woman, a grand-daughter, a best friend, a God mother. Although trying to maintain and managing these hats and playing these different roles are difficult, I refuse to not give each and every role my absolute all. I hate people who half ass do things. If you work at Mcdonalds, be the nicest, fastest and most efficient Mcdonalds worker that the world has ever seen! 

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It is so important to put your all into whatever it is that you are doing or attempting to take on. I think my personal struggle over the years is putting my all into something that doesn’t deserve the time in the first place or putting my all into something and not being very successful. No matter what I have come to realize that I owe it to my self to uphold a certain image not for others but for my own personal success. I may not be the best at everything but I have made a promise to myself to be the best that I can be.

 So I may not have the nicest clothes, the best job or the greatest income but I put my heart and soul into everything that I do. I may not always be successful at the things that I attempt but I always have the pleasure of knowing that I put my absolute all into it and to me thats all that matters. Keep pushing, keep smiling, and keep living. You have been called to give your all, so just do it. 

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Much love. 

Teneisha where have you been????

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I have been so busy trying to get my life together that I have not had time to blog!! Miss me?? LOL. But no seriously things have been so-so. I think that its amazing how you can really learn new things everyday about life in general. I have learned that I really can not STAND the human race, I have also learned that living takes a lot of patience, especially when there are so many dumb ass individuals in the world. I feel like everyday has been a small struggle but I promise that I am trying my hardest to get through it. 

Peace and many blessings. 

Honestly….I’ve lost myself.

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Over the past few days I have had some time to really sit and think about all the things that have taken place and all the struggles that I have faced and I have never felt so lost in my life. It is sooo hard having a set and clear path that is right in front of you only to have it ripped right from under you before it really even gets started. 

 

So many people have asked what I planned on doing or where would I go from here and honestly I really don’t know. I had to take time to let it all sink in and I had to take time to sit down and actually cry it all out. After I got over that phase I tried to pick up the pieces and dive head first into making a new life for myself. I have found that when one thing gets tough other things follow suit. I have never felt so alone during something in my life until now. My support system is slowly crumbling away and I can not turn to those that I want for fear of judgment. So what do I do?? 

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A few weeks ago a piece of me wanted to give up, I wanted to pack up and run away and hide until I could hide no more. Something in the back of my mind kept telling me that I knew I couldn’t do this before I started and that everyone told me I would fail and that they were right. Even still people doubt me. I’m not sure where to go from here or where I’ll end up but I do know that I cant give up. This is my journey, my life my struggle and I refuse to let doubters and nay sayers deter me from completing my ultimate goal which is to be successful.

I may not be where I thought I would be at this point but as long as I am alive I will fight to make sure that my life happens the way that I want it to.

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“Dominus vobiscum” (May the Lord be with you). 

Why in the hell does life have to be so hard???

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The past few weeks have been so rough for me. I am starting to really have to focus and trust that something positive will come along. It is sooo hard to keep that type of mindset when the world is full of nothing but negativity. I have found myself questioning every step that I have taken, every move that I have made. I just wish that I could rewind and get all of the seconds, minutes and hours back that I wasted on a lot of things.

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When something dramatic and drastic takes effect in your life its important to remember not to be angry. I wish we could control every aspect of life but we can’t. It is ok to cry it out, its fine to surround yourself around positive people. It is also ok not to say a damn thing at all, I have struggled with wearing my heart on a sleeve lately only to feel like no one really gives a damn anyways. Life can suck but it can also be something beautiful. Honestly, I am waiting on that beauty to appear because it has been looking at me with one ugly face for awhile.

Today is tomorrows yesterday.